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Woke up very early to prepare myself to go to the bank to settle some paper work with my sister. Off we went to NP to get the laptop stuff done, but guess what, it's close??!! Wasted a trip there but treated my sister to a meal at MACS =)
Naggings for wasting her time on the way to macs. She had to go back home to settle her stuff so we went on separate ways. I took this empty bus and suddenly a freaky old indian man came and sit beside me. There were so many empty seats but he chose to sit beside me is already freakying me out!
He started to sit closer and closer, his arms touching my arms, so I took my bag and placed it in between our seats so at least there's abit of distance??!! Then he started to stare at me! That's the time I cannot stand it! Hair started standing and I was really hoping for a saviour!
Prayed real hard he won't do anything funny. Guess what!! He started to bend down and dunno do what kuku stunts lah! I was wearing skirt, so I quickly take my jacket out and cover! Haha!
Then this old uncle came to my rescue by scolding him and asking him to move to the back seats. Haha! It was really frightening! Reminded me of unpleasant incident that happened when I was in secondary school. Hmmmm! Maybe that's why I over-reacted? But which girl won't be freaked out when this is like happening to them. Never mind. It's me, my own reaction =)
Parents leaving with my uncle in a few hours time. It's the first time I'm feeling lost without them. Maybe it's because this time round they'll be away for real long and I really have to survive on my own. Worried for my uncle's operation too. I hope it will go on smoothly.
Supposed to be at LiJun's 21st birthday party already, but I decided to stay at home for dinner with them before going. I won't know what the future holds, so I better cherish this chance to have dinner with them, especially my uncle. It might be the last meal I can have with him, there might be more to come. I really don't know.
He's worried, I know. But right now, he's happily talking to my family in the living room, joking and laughing all the way. Sudden silence might occur but new topics will be created. I can feel the tension there, that's why I can online to blog.
Blogging helps to release some of my stress because I know there are so many of you out there reading, and I know you guys are always here for me =) Hmmmm. My uncle's behaviour now really reflects my own attitude.
Always smiling, laughing and joking away when deep inside me, there's always this bit of me being so worried, lost or depressed. Always putting up that smile when I'm with my friends so they won't have to worry much. Always hiding and holding back my tears when I'm with my friends so they won't be worried if I'll still be sobbing when I reach home.
Seriously, I'm starting to have tears rolling in my eyes now. Haha! Looking at the time nearing for them to leave, the more worried I get. I'm afraid of things that will happen when they leave. I'm afraid I can't handle things on my own when they're not around. I know this is what I have always wanted, to be independant and not rely on them, but that's because I know no matter what happens, I still have them to fall on.
But now, it's different. I really have to depend on myself now. The last month without them was bad enough, now it's three to six months! Well, no choice after all. I won't want them to be back so soon because it'll mean another tragedy that my uncle had left us?? Hmmmm. I'm really confused inside out.
It'll be another feeling when I go for the birthday celebration later. It'll be a broken promise if I didn't go, so of course I'll certainly pop by and wish her a Happy Birthday.
Although it's just an hour that I'll be staying over there, but it's the thought at heart that counts. it's the presence there not the duration that counts too. =)
Whatever it is, I won't stay there and look at how fake some people can get. I won't want to stay there and start listening to all the craps that some of them will say. I won't want to stay there and look at how hypocritical people really are, because I know the truth, I won't see things lying in this way.
So I better take my leave before I start to confront you about everything and destroy the party or something. I'm praying real hard now that you won't show me any attitude when I leave earlier or say anything because you know that if you ever do, I'll really shoot the truth at you this time round.
In fact, wanted to get someone else to go with me, so I can have excuse to leave earlier. However, I have totally no idea who to bring alone, so i guess. Hmmmm! It's going to be alright.
posted at 6:13 PM
